Anamnesis
by j.sakurachan1
Summary: We can't feel. We don't have hearts. So why does this hurt? A Xigbar Fanfic, Hinted XigxXal and XigxLux. Fluffy. T for language. KH not mine. AU and possibly slight OOC...depending on your take...tried to keep it accurate *shrug*
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Xigbar sighed loudly to break the oppressive silence that seemed to linger throughout Castle Oblivion. He looked around the empty room and berated himself again for not bringing something to do while here. The glistening white walls were broken only by tall windows that let a bright light into the hallway. A faceted pillar towered above his head from the white floor to the m ceiling. His black long, leather coat made him stand out like a sore thumb in the bright room.

Xigbar shifted restlessly, causing his coat to creak and the metal chains around the neck to chime as they swung against each other. He rose from his leaning position and tugged at the large hood, feeling the leather on his arm and chest strain at the motion. His gloved left hand brushed against the deep scar that ran vertically from his jaw to cheekbone. His hand trailed across his face to a black eye patch that he had also gained on that fateful day. The eye beneath was gone, but the last scene it saw still burned before him, her face was still there, that crooked grin she had always carried, those tears streaming from vacant eyes. Xigbar's hand lingered, stroking the eye patch slowly.

His hand froze when a black, gaseous energy wave seeped from the center of the circular pattern in the middle of the room. Tendrils crept upward to form a dark orb that pulsed silently. The energy dispersed and a figure emerged, clad in the same black leather with the hood up to cover his identity. Xigbar lowered his hand and crossed his arms, waiting for the newcomer to shake off the temporary effects of using the Darkness and address his superior.

Luxord stumbled forward out of the Corridor of Darkness and tried to focus his vision. He still had yet to master using the portals to travel despite the fact that he had been a Nobody for almost seven months. He took three shaky steps toward Xigbar before finally regaining his balance. Looking up, Luxord shed his hood and straightened his coat.

"Well, that was hardly a fitting entrance for the tenth member, Luxord. I can hear the scorning voices of the others now. Here's an idea, maybe you could, like, practice or something." Xigbar watched as Luxord's face began to turn an interesting shade of red. "It's not like you don't have enough time."

"Like you didn't have some problems when you were new, Number II."

"Perhaps when I was new, but you have been travelling through the Corridors for seven months. Even Demyx mastered that within a month. Maybe he can give you lessons."

Luxord crossed his arms. "Well aren't you in a crapper mood. So what has your knickers in a twist? Did Number VIII injure your pride again?"

Xigbar glared out at the man from beneath his hood, "And what is that supposed to mean?"

"Well, there were those rumors floating around concerning a certain old chap and an incident with an exploding box. Specifically how the chap let his guard down-"

"As if. Keep your mouth shut about things you don't understand, Luxord. And remember who you are addressing. Talk like that again and I'll have to report you."

"Yeah, yeah, I get it. Anyway, why are you here? I thought Number III was supposed to clear us?"

"Again, keep your mouth shut about things you don't understand and don't involve you."

"Bloody hell, you can be so difficult sometimes. It's a wonder that Superior keeps you around, let alone how Number III is so patient with you."

"Another word and you'll regret ever becoming a Nobody."

"What is up with you? I'm just joking, Xigbar."

"Whatever."

Luxord ran his gloved hand through his short blonde hair with a sigh, closing his blue eyes. "I'm sorry, Xigbar. It's just-"

"Xaldin is waiting. Get moving."

Blue eyes opened and tried to pierce into the dark recess that was Xigbar's face beneath his hood. Luxord could hear the strain of something in Xigbar's voice, but couldn't quite determine what it was. In a different person, Luxord may have called that tension a result of grief or regret, but not Xigbar. No, Xigbar had made it very clear that Nobodies could not truly feel.

"Hey Xigbar, I was going to stay late tonight, and I was wondering if you would, I mean if you have time, maybe come by and give me a few tips and spar or something."

"Luxord, first off, don't mumble. It's annoying. Second-"

"Forget I said anything. I can ask someone else." Luxord began to pull his hood back on and prepared a portal. He was a fool for thinking that Xigbar would even waste his time sparring. Xigbar was too strong for simple sparring.

"You're mumbling again. Though I suppose I can stop by later after I finish up here. Wait at the Hall of Empty Melodies."

"Oh, well, umm," Luxord racked his brain for a response that would not sound completely foolish. "Then I guess I'll see you later, then." Luxord moved toward the portal and turned his back on Xigbar. He was lucky to have raised his hood already so the confusion on his face was unseen by Xigbar. "Xigbar, do you ever…"

"Do I ever what?"

"Never mind, it was nothing." Luxird stepped into the portal and let Darkness envelop him. Do you ever think that maybe we can feel, despite what your tests said? Can Nobodies really not feel?

Xigbar watched Luxord leave through the portal and shook his head. He couldn't figure Luxord out. Sometimes the man was cold and rude, the next a mumbling mess. True, he was the one who had brought Luxord to the Organization and turned him into a Nobody, but that was on orders from Xemnas, nothing more. He had heard once from Xaldin that Luxord looked up to him or something, but Xigbar had passed that comment off as a joke. Why would anyone want to look up to him?

Xigbar stared at the floor, trying to focus his thoughts on the pattern and not on the incriminating thoughts in his head. Minutes passed by, long and short, blending into one another as Xigbar stood motionless, hands clenched and teeth grinding. He wished there was a clock there so he could check how much longer he had to wait. As Xigbar's mind moved away from his previous contemplation of the floor to the train of thought about what kind of clocks could be placed in Castle Oblivion, a portal formed in the previously used region of the floor. The man who stepped out showed no sign of being effected by the Darkness, but instead sauntered out like he expected all eyes to be on him. Xigbar crossed his arms and waited for the man, Axel, to acknowledge the presence of a superior member in the room. Xigbar was only mildly surprised when Axel simply crossed his own arms mockingly. Beneath his hood, Xigbar snarled at the man's arrogance. If he had more time he would have reprimanded Axel, but today Xigbar just wanted to carry out his orders and leave the Castle.

"It's about time you got here you lazy piece of shit."

"You'll have to forgive me, old man. The mission took slightly longer to complete than predicted, and you know how I hate to leave unfinished business lingering. Besides, my orders were to check in by the seventh hour, so I still have twenty minutes before you can call me out for taking my time. Why are you here anyway, I thought Xaldin was supposed to check us in tonight?" The man lowered his hood to shake out his wild mane of fiery red hair. His bright green eyes danced with an amusement that disguised his cruel intelligence. His mouth was set in an ever-present smirk, white teeth flashing to make Axel look younger than he truly was. Red, downturned triangle tattoos adorned Number VIII's cheeks. Xigbar twitched in growing irritation at the man's attitude. He had never liked Axel; there was something unsettling about the Nobody that had always put Xigbar's guard up.

"Personally I don't give a damn what the hell took you so long. Though it would make my job easier if you wouldn't insist on trying the patience of Organization XIII at every turn and show the proper respect to your superior members. Luckily for you I don't have time to deal with you right now, so just get your ass over to Xaldin in the World that Never Was. Axel, I will give you this warning, waste my time again and I will waste you." Axel's eyes took on a dangerous edge of anger at Xigbar's threat. Xigbar waved the man away with a quick motion of his right hand. "Oh, and Axel, it's not just my time that you've wasted, and I think you are well aware of how Xaldin hates to be kept waiting. Be a good boy now." Axel's face paled a shade, much to Xigbar's satisfaction. Despite his arrogance and evident strength, Axel was far from capable of dealing with Xaldin in a foul mood.

"I get it already, no need to lecture me. I may be of a lower rank than you but I'm not an idiot so keep your threats to yourself, Number II. I should report you to Superior for shirking your own duties…"

The dark energy enveloped Axel and he vanished from the Castle. Xigbar watched Axel leave with his golden eye, his muscles taut and his mind racing with all the ways he could torture Axel for his egotism. Snarling, Xigbar stretched out the knots in his shoulders that came from leaning against a hard wall for two hours. He unzipped the first four inches of his jacket and pulled his hood off. He tugged at his long ponytail of gray and black hair to free it from where it had fallen down his back. He untied the leather cord from the nape of his neck and shook out his hair, causing it to fall forward around his face and pointed ears. As he retied the cord he scowled. Vanity kept him from cutting the locks to a more reasonable length. She used to love running her fingers though the coarse fibers. Xigbar shook his head sharply, banishing the memory to the corner of his mind. Soon he was enveloped in the Darkness that would allow him to travel to the quiet streets of Twilight Town.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Forgot to say this in chapter 1…Ooops…**

**Thanks soooo much to WithMyMadHAtterHat, BMIK, and purefoysgirl for giving me some feedback as this story was being developed!**

Chapter 2

While Xigbar was at Castle Oblivion arguing with Axel, Xaldin was checking the final reports that the other members had already submitted in the Castle that Never Was. To Xaldin this was one of the driest duties that the five senior members were forced to complete, but each of Numbers II through VI completed their portion of the work allotted them with minimal complaining. Well, almost all of them. Xaldin straightened his back, causing it to crack in numerous places, and stretched his muscular arms above his dreadlocked head. He closed his violet eyes as he forced tight muscles to relax and yawned loudly. He wasn't supposed to be checking the reports tonight, but Xigbar had nearly begged his friend to switch roles this week. Xaldin couldn't blame the man and, knowing that Xigbar would have simply left if they hadn't come to an arrangement, agreed. So instead of Xigbar signing and handing the reports off, he was making sure that no one followed the other members to the World that Never Was and was free to leave once the last member went through.

Xaldin brought his arms back down and scratched his face absent-mindedly, causing the thick side-burn to break out of its combed shape below his pointed ear. His right hand returned to the white, stone desk and lifted the ink pen that he'd put down. There were eleven neat stacks of paper on the desk already, ten of which were signed and ready to pass on to Vexen to be filed electronically. Xaldin scanned the eleventh report, Demyx's, and sighed. Demyx had been briefed on proper report procedure multiple times by multiple senior members before, so why the young man proceeded to add statements like, "I was totally not chill with them so I, like, totally pwned them with my awesome music," was beyond Xaldin's comprehension. Xaldin tapped the back of the pen on the desk top and raised his eyes to the clock on the white wall. Twenty minutes until the reports were out of his hands and he was off for the night.

Xaldin's eyes wandered around the dimly lit white room that was one of the many within the Castle that Never Was. Outside the window of the small room towered the multiple halls and turrets of the Castle, framed by the never-changing sky of deep blue and violet dominated by the large heart-shaped moon, Kingdom Hearts. The moon provided most of the illumination that the World that Never Was needed.

In the World that Never Was there existed neither day nor night, a concept that the newer members struggled to adapt readily to. Simple clocks had consequently been installed to match the relative timing of the other worlds to create the illusion of time passing as well as to keep the work of Organization XIII progressing smoothly. But occasionally Xemnas would disregard the time and hand out orders when he deemed necessary. Xaldin hoped that tonight he would not give Xigbar any new assignments for Xigbar's sake. Insubordination was punishable by death.

Fifteen minutes left. Xaldin lowered his eyes back to Demyx's unusual report and signed the bottom. All that was left was Number VIII's. Axel had built himself a reputation for pushing some of the rules laid out by Xemnas without actually breaking any. Xaldin stacked the completed reports one on top of one other in order of Number, leaving the pen beneath between two reports to mark where Axel's would eventually fit. Xaldin stood from the desk and moved to the window to stare out at Kingdom Hearts, hovering constantly over the Castle, reminding the Organization of their present goal: the quest to regain their hearts through the completion of Kingdom Hearts.

Xaldin looked out past the white and gray courtyards and walls and into the Darkness that pressed in from all sides. It had been so long since Xaldin had first stepped across into the Darkness and had become a Nobody, almost a decade, and had given up his heart to Darkness. As a Nobody, he was supposed to be devoid of all emotion, as were all other Nobodies and Heartless, and so he wrote off the heavy weight that he felt this night as his mind rationalizing the memories of the girl who had become a victim of fate. Not true sorrow. If he admitted that he was actually capable of feeling, well, that would make his duties much more difficult as well as confirm Demyx's foolish idea that they did have hearts but had simply forgotten how to use them. Scientifically, Xaldin knew that they did not have hearts. He had watched as Xehanort had performed the first experiment on himself, becoming the Nobody called Xemnas by removing his own heart, and had then changed Numbers II through VI into Nobodies. It was impossible to feel.

Xaldin sensed the presence of a Nobody walking toward the room via the hallway beyond the large white door. Turning he walked to the desk as the newcomer burst into the room, radiating impatience. "Number II, why is it that I must come all the way to this stuffy room to collect reports that would usually have been on my desk half and hour ago? Wait," Vexen narrowed his eyes, "where is Number II? Tonight is his allotted night to collect reports. Why are you here, Number III, and not at Castle Oblivion?" Vexen watched Xaldin as the larger man seated himself at the desk.

"You would do well to watch your tone around your superior member, Vexen. I have collected all of the reports but Axel's, and as soon as he has arrived and I have signed the report you will receive them. But until then you will wait." Vexen snorted indignantly and crossed his arms over his coat that bordered one-size too large. His long blonde hair framed a narrow face with sharp features and hard blue eyes.

"You would do well to not let Number II manipulate you. If not for his rank his attitude would have been dealt with long ago."

Xaldin chose to ignore the Vexen's remark and instead sifted through the reports before him. He lifted the upper portion of the stack and set it aside so that when Axel did finally show up he could sign the report quickly and be rid of the annoying scientist. Xaldin glanced up when Vexen chuckled to himself, wary, for a laughing Vexen was a dangerous Vexen. Xaldin's attention was diverted when Axel ported to the center of the room using Darkness.

"Hey, you can calm down now, Axel has arrived." Axel's sarcasm had no outward affect on the two men, who had learned very quickly to try to ignore most of the words that came from Axel. Axel saluted Vexen but missed Vexen's face flash to anger briefly as he turned to Xaldin, pulling his report from within his coat.

Xaldin, on the other hand, saw everything and made a mental note to himself to talk to Xemnas about Axel's behavior before matters spiraled out of control. While Axel had never gotten along well with any of his superiors, Vexen seemed to be the only one he went out of his way to antagonize openly. No, he went for Vexen and Xigbar, but since Axel was here in one piece either Xigbar had pushed Axel off as quickly as possible or had left already.

Xaldin wanted to snatch the report from Axel's hands and sign the damn thing fast so that he would be rid of both members, but dignity made him wait for Axel to saunter over and slowly slide the report across the desk. Xaldin could see the boiling rage growing in Vexen's eyes and tensed, prepared to use his wind manipulation to prevent an all out fight between the two. He was still responsible for the reports and had no intention of spending hours tracking down every previous member and making them fill out new ones.

Luckily Vexen took a deep breath and began tapping his foot impatiently, allowing Xaldin to focus on the report that Axel had finally placed within his reach. Xaldin took the report with a gloved hand and scanned the words quickly. The rather boring front page outlined Axel's movements during the day. He noted with slight suspicion that the routine action of scouting the Pride Lands and the Land of Dragons for Heartless should not have taken as long as Axel stated, but it was not his job to question the report. Xaldin signed the papers and lowered his pen. "You can go now, Axel. Vexen, the files are all yours." Stacking the reports together he held the stack out for the scientist to take. Vexen strode over and waited for Axel to move aside so he could reach Xaldin. Axel took as much time as he could to shift to the side just enough for Vexen to grab the papers, watching the older man from the corner of his view.

Xaldin cleared his throat loudly and Axel returned his gaze to the large man and increased his distance from Vexen. Vexen snatched the papers from Xaldin and backed away from the table. "I will be sure to report Number II's actions, Number III, if you will not." With that Vexen stepped into Darkness and vanished from the room, most likely to return to his lab at the base of the hovering Castle.

"He has a point. Xigbar was acting strange, dealing me a lecture instead of a shot to the head."

"You will refer to him as Number II, Axel, and keep your opinions to yourself. What Number II does is his own business and not for you to worry about."

"Just wondering aloud then, I wonder what could have him so distracted to risk Superior's anger as well as incur Number III's charity." Axel moved to his own portal of Darkness before Xaldin could warn him again. Xaldin stifled an exasperated sigh and stood from the desk, stuffing the pen in a pocket within the coat. He would have to now spend time finding Xemnas and explaining matters as well as find Xigbar before he could cause any more problems. He pushed in the plain white chair and walked to the open door. Finding Xemnas took precedence, so Xaldin set off down the long white hallway in the direction of Xemnas' most common location at this hour while silently debating how to word his argument in Xigbar's favor.

**A/N..again: **

plz review...pretty please?!  
i only played KH once in 20 hours...so plz tell me how this is turning out T.T

till next week!


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: sorry for the late post! AX is here and my schedule is frickin crazy!!!**

Chapter 3

Xigbar landed gently on a wall made of yellow bricks, letting the Darkness dissipate from around his body. Golden sunlight from the setting sun was filtering past the tall pine trees along the edge of the grassy clearing before him. He rose from the kneeling position he had taken and looked over his shoulder at the tall mansion behind him.

The compound was made of red and yellow bricks like the rest of Twilight Town. The lower walls of the main building were slowly being over-powered by the vines that strained to reach the sun. Towers peeked over the tall roof, but the tallest part of the compound was the steeple from the main building. The face of the monument was covered by a clock that had once told the occupants of the now empty mansion the time of the day. Twilight Town was trapped in a rift between darkness and light, causing the sun to spend most of the day near the horizon and giving the illusion of never ending twilight. The clock chimed a quarter to the seventh hour in a broken chorus of bells.

Xigbar bit his lip, forcing memories of a time when laughter filled those rooms back. Part of him still wouldn't admit that she was gone. But he knew that was not logical because it was impossible for a Nobody to feel, he and Xemnas had proven that after Xemnas was created from Xehanort nine years ago. He had overseen the removal of Xehanort's heart, and as Xemnas had performed the procedure on Braig shortly after to create Xigbar, Xigbar had felt the constraints that a heart carried fall away. And yet, his chest was filled with unbearable pain when he thought of her. Shaking his head he turned away from the mansion and jumped down onto the grass. He was not here to stare at an empty building. His destination lay elsewhere.

Xigbar jumped down from the wall and walked away from the mansion. The sun was beginning its descent from dusk to night and he would have to hurry to reach Sunset Hill in time. He entered the woods that separated the mansion from Twilight Town and shadows enveloped him. His nose twitched at the sharp scent of pine and dirt that filled the forest, an unwelcome scent to him. There was little ambient noise from the surrounding forest, only a few birds chirping and the rustling of the wind through the long needles. He moved silently through the towering pine trees that cut off the sunlight from reaching the ground with the exceptions of small patches of faint illumination.

The light from Twilight Town passed through a jagged hole in the towering wall. The hole had been created long ago, as long as the mansion had existed beyond the forest. The inhabitants of the small town preferred to ignore the fissure for the most part. The youths of the town made a game of the hole, daring one another to pass through it and go to the mansion beyond, calling the building haunted and one of the town's Seven Mysteries. But even the young boys and girls would grow tired of the game as the mansion provided no real entertainment.

Xigbar reached the small hole in the wall as the shadows in Twilight Town began to lengthen. Time was running short. He stepped over the rubble that littered the ground at the base of the hole and blinked at the golden rays of light that filled the plaza before him. Market Square was the second most popular place in the town and up until nightfall was filled with people visiting stores and exchanging gossip. He pulled his hood back up and followed the wall towards the other side of the square. On top of the wall the train hurtled by, shaking the ground beneath him slightly. The shadow of the wall slowly crept further into the square and the train cast its own moving shadow along the edge.

The train was on its circular journey from the outer parts of Twilight Town to the Station. Towering above the Station in the distance was a gigantic clock tower. Xigbar could see shadowy figures moving around on the top of the tower, enjoying the last of the day. Enjoying the warmth of the sun, even weak and fading as it was. The sun reflected off one moving figures and flashed into Xigbar's face, blinding him temporarily. He squinted, and as he did so a memory forced itself forward.

Xigbar moved from room to room within the mansion, calling out her name. "Ikxare, where are you. Come on, Xemnas wants to see everyone now. Seriously, where the hell are you?" Xigbar yawned, his body reminding him that it was still 6:30 in the morning. He reached the last room of the dim mansion and looked in, growing annoyed. She wasn't here either.

"Are you kiddin' me? Why the hell do I have to keep tabs on her? Let someone else do it…" Xigbar created a portal and stepped into the Corridor of Darkness, contemplating where she may have gone. The few places she did visit often included the mansion in Twilight Town, the apartment in Dark City, and the Castle that Never Was. Unfortunately he had already checked all three places and had found no trace of her. Pausing, he mentally created a list of the odder places that she had mentioned in passing.

She had said something about enjoying taking a swim in Atlantica, as well as flying around in Never Never Land. Sunrise. The thought struck him from a dark corner of his mind. Of course, she always spends sunrise in a place with a good vantage of the beginning of the day. He focused his attention of the place that she had mentioned months ago as the best place she had found for this routine.

_"Hey Xigbar, you know what?" Ikxare came bouncing up the long hallway within the Castle that Never Was. Her lavender hair was disheveled and her teal eyes were sparkling. The light from Kingdom Hearts shown through the window down on her, illuminating her pale face with a warm glow._

_"What do you want now, Ikxare?" Xigbar crossed his arms and glared down at the woman, golden eyes flashing annoyance. His shoulder length black and grey hair was pulled away from his face with a tie, but the thick hair was unruly at best and consequently his bangs had refused to cooperate and hung along the sides of his face._

_"I found the most beautiful place the other day." Ikxare reached his and smiled up at him, slightly out of breath._

_"I don't really care. You're late and Xemnas is going to hold it against me. I am supposed to be keeping an eye on you, and if you can't follow the simple instruction of showing up on time than I'll have you transferred to someone else. Maybe Vexen."_

_"Oh, you're just being mean. Anyway I found the most amazing place this morning. I went to watch the sunrise-"_

_"Why would you do that? We exist in Darkness, Ikxare. I've told you that a hundred times. You've been here for three months. I don't want to have to tell you that again. Now, let's go. Xemnas gave me our orders."_

_"Oh, aren't you even slightly curious about where I was."_

_"No." Xigbar turned and began walking down the hallway._

_"I was in Twilight Town."_

_"Ikxare I said-"_

_"I was up at the Station clock tower. It has the best view of the sunrise-"_

_"Number VIII! Shut up, I don't give a frickin rats ass! God, you're so annoying." Xigbar turned on his heel and looked down at the short woman, headache growing._

_"If I'm so annoying then why do you keep me around? I mean, with your rank and all no one is going to make you keep this obligation."_

_"Let's go." Xigbar turned away from her, trying to end the conversation._

_"No, you always yell at me and tell me how annoying I am. If I'm such a burden then why don't you just get rid of me?"_

_"Drop it, Ikxare."_

_"No, I'm through with your attitude. Report me if you want, but I'm not going to stop asking this until you give me an explanation."_

_"I said drop it."_

_"Why do you keep teaching me if you don't like me?"_

_Xigbar ignored her and walked quickly down the hallway._

_"Why do you do this?"_

_"I said to just drop it."_

_"Why won't you just tell me? Oh I get it, you are doing this out of pity, aren't you. Let's all pity the poor girl who can't remember anything."_

_"Yeah that's exactly it. Good job. You win. Do you want your prize now?"_

_"You're a real ass. Are you really not going to tell me why?"_

_"What do you think?"_

_Ikxare sighed from behind him, but the tension that had grown between them dispersed. Xigbar wanted to give his own sigh, a sigh of relief, that she was letting the subject alone now. How could he tell her that he wasn't her mentor, but her guard; he was the one Xemnas had entrusted to keep an eye on the unstable being and kill her if she turned on the Organization._

_Together they had stepped into the portal._

A loud shout broke Xigbar's thoughts. The inhabitants of Twilight Town were beginning to slowly disperse from the square as the sun finally disappeared behind the wall. Xigbar looked up at the orange sky and saw that it was beginning to turn red, then violet.

The square had a small tram that carried occupants from one section of the market to the next while humming steadily as it moved. That familiar hum, as well as the chiming of small bells, made its way to Xigbar and he moved aside to let the tram pass. As it slid by he leapt into the air and landed on top of the tram. This action was actually quite usual to the residents and no one gave Xigbar a second glance, that was, until they noticed his clothes. He hardly fit into a town where red, yellow, brown, and blue were the favorite colors.

Xigbar ignored the startled looks that were sent his way and instead focused on where to get off the moving vehicle. He rounded building after building, outrunning the shadow of the wall by inches. Finally he passed by a corner of houses and saw an entryway. The tram's bells chimed out to warn any pedestrians as it finished the turn and Xigbar used this chance to jump off the tram. By this point the crowds had thinned noticeably and he was able to move quickly toward the dark pathway.

The underground connection that he entered was rarely used by the townspeople because its light systems were flawed at times and frightened more than a few adults, but for Xigbar was the quickest way to Sunset Hill. He walked the dim hallways with familiarity and breathed in the scent of brick with slightly more comfort. These paths always calmed him after the crowds of the square or station. He took turn after turn, speeding up his pace from a walk to a slow run as he went, his adrenaline beginning to rush. He could hear the echoes of the Station Tower bells. It was seven, and he was running late. If he didn't hurry, he would miss it.

Xigbar asked himself every year why he didn't simply port to the hill. Porting would save time and effort. And every year he reminded himself that she had made a rule to not use Darkness while in Twilight Town. It was a foolish rule, but one that he followed nonetheless. When he had argued with her over how stupid she was for not using Darkness more often, she would stop smiling and her laughter would fade. She had said once that she couldn't bring herself to bring more darkness to a place filled with so little Light already. When she had said that, Xigbar found no sarcastic comment or retort to give, only silence, and affirmation to a promise not to use Darkness within Twilight Town's walls while light still shown.

The bells faded, and Xigbar realized that he had stopped altogether while lost in his thoughts. He swore under his breath and took off at full sprint. He could see the end of the path curving up ahead of him, a sign pointing the way to Sunset Hill on the archway. His footsteps filled the tunnel with harsh slaps against the ground with every step he took. He ran up the tunnel and burst out of the underground passage. He didn't stop running even though he was now in broad sight of the few inhabitants left. He ignored their stares and points as he sprinted past them.

His breathing was short and harsh now, his legs tired. The streetlamps of the small beachside portion of Twilight Town were flickering on to bring light back into the shadows cast by the buildings. The sky above was quickly turning to deep blue as the sun crept below the horizon. Xigbar reached the base of Sunset Hill and left the road to leap up the small projecting platforms carved by the townspeople. Night was closing in on the small town fast. With a grunt Xigbar jumped from the final platform to the top of the hill, forcing himself to run to the edge before stopping. Gasping for breath he stared out over the water.

"No, no!" He slammed a hand down on the railing before him, hearing the wood creak beneath his fist. He backed away and landed a kick on the stout plank, shattering the wood. "Why? Damnit why?" He looked out to the dark horizon, his breath catching in his throat.

He had missed the sunset.

He had promised her that he would return every year to watch the sun slip beneath the horizon, and this time he had failed. He had failed her. He sunk to his knees, his face turned upward at the stars. "Why am I always too late? Can you ever forgive me?"

Xigbar lowered his eye to the grassy hill top and brought his hands before him. He stared at his shaking palms in their gloves and clenched his hands into tight fists with a hiss. "Do I deserve to be forgiven?"

He opened his palms and rose to his feet. He called up Darkness and stepped into it, shoulders hunched and his face a mask of stone.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Xaldin left the dim room, lost in thought. The hallway beyond the room was brightly lit from the moon reflecting off the white floor and walls. Most of the surfaces of the Castle that Never Was were covered with a mix of white tile and clear panels. Beneath the panels lay the machinery that made up the Castle, adding to the inorganic feel of the world. Xaldin stalked through the empty hallway and reached a tall white door. He pushed the door open and entered the Hall of Empty Melodies.

The Hall of Empty Melodies was the third largest room within the Castle and the most inviting room. The main floor of the hall was made of light and dark blue tiles suspended over Darkness. The center of the floor was covered with the design of two overlapping diamonds.

Xaldin looked down at the main floor from the balcony that was positioned mid-way between the floor and the glass ceiling. Up here he had a better vantage of the moon and of the Alter of Naught, which was probably the most likely place to find Superior. At the moment, though, his eyes were drawn to movement below him.

A lone figure was using the Hall to hone his skills. Xaldin watched the man summon giant playing cards and slip onto them to confuse his opponents, then slip out to attack from behind.

Xaldin observed Luxord for a few minutes longer before the blonde haired man finally sensed his presence. With a start Luxord raised his bright blue eyes up at Xaldin and dismissed his cards. He then took a running start at the wall and propelled himself up it, grabbing onto the winged-archway above a door for leverage and pulling himself up and over the balcony edge. His short hair was still neatly combed back and his goatee was perfectly trimmed as usual. "Number III, I am surprised to see you still here. Did everything finish proper with the reports?" Luxord's voice carried an unmistakable British accent, the only one in the entire Organization.

"The reports were completed and given to Vexen. I was just passing through on my way to the Alter of Naught. I'll let you return to your work, now." Xaldin turned away from the man and took a few steps. He stopped as Luxord spoke out.

"Xaldin, I mean Number III, I was just wondering if you knew if anything was wrong with Number II. He agreed to spar against me tonight after he finished his duties, but he's not here yet. He was acting quite strange earlier as well. Did he say anything to you?"

"What makes you think that there is something wrong with Number II? He's just tired." Xaldin looked over his shoulder.

"Oh, of course. Sorry for bothering you, Number III, I just assumed that since you two live together and all that you would know if something was wrong. He's more likely to talk to you than the rest of us." Luxord's face was troubled as he turned to the edge of the balcony. He placed his hands on the rail and leaned against the stone. "Well, if you see 'm, can you just let him know that I left for the evening?"

Xaldin nodded his head at the man and watched as Luxord leapt over the rail to the floor and out the doorway leading to Twilight's View. Xaldin respected Luxord as one of the more formidable Organization members, and knew that Luxord respected Xigbar as one of the most admirable. He also knew that Luxord's admiration dove deeper than just as a sparring partner, though Luxord would never admit anything. It was another case of whether or not a Nobody could actually feel, but Luxord was still fresh as a Nobody and retained more memories of how to feel than the older members. Luxord reminded Xaldin in more ways than one of himself, or at least the Dilan of long ago.

Braig had been the cocky second in charge of the apprentices while Dilan had been just a bus boy for errands, and yet Braig had taken Dilan under his wing then. He had strived to rise to Braig's expectations as a scientist, and though he was not as influential in their research of hearts he pulled his own weight. But no matter how much stronger he grew or wiser, he always felt loyal to Braig, had even loved Braig as the months passed. They had shared the rent on an apartment in Radiant Garden temporarily before Xehanort had changed Braig into Xigbar, leaving Dilan little choice other than to join them as Xaldin. But after they had both lost their hearts, their relationship had changed. Xaldin had grown away from his former lover while Xigbar had taken on a new student under Xemnas' orders.

Not that he regretted his choice. Becoming a Nobody had opened doors that he had never even considered before, but some days he missed the relationship that he and Braig had shared before. Without hearts it was hard to truly feel for another, let alone love another no matter how much you tried.

Xaldin reached a doorway on one end of the balcony and stepped through it into the Proof of Existence. This room was the most serious room within the Castle. In the small room were 12 glowing transport arches, each corresponding to the location of the pertaining Organization members' quarters, or at least the locations they were assigned quarters. Xemnas had given the members some freedom and had created the system to not connect to more than one place and not track the member at all times, but in some cases this became a problem. Like now.

At the base of each transport was a symbol of the member and their status: blue for existing, red for faded. All 12 symbols in the room glowed a healthy blue and the transports were all intact. There was no evidence of the original seventh member, the failed experiment that Xemnas had ordered erased six years ago and never mentioned to the rest of the Organization.

Her name had been Ikxare, and she had been brought in by Xigbar off the streets of the Radiant-Garden-turned-Hollow-Bastion eight years ago to become the seventh member. Only something had gone wrong with her transformation into a Nobody and her memories of her other life had been lost. The Ikxare that existed within the Organization had been unusually kind, despite the Organization's attempts to instruct her in the nature of being a Nobody. Ikxare had listened to their theories and findings, had considered them, and had tossed them aside.

Ikxare had become Xigbar's apprentice and physical lover in a matter of weeks. By then Xaldin had distanced himself from Xigbar, but was wary of the young woman. Xaldin had never been convinced that she had forgotten her past until he had seen it catch up with her himself and had begun to understand.

He had been standing in this very room six years ago when Ikxare's blue symbol had switched to red and her transport arch had shattered. Ikxare had faded. The report later filed by the three stated that she had been dealt with according to orders from Xemnas. Something about that battle didn't fit, though. Xaldin knew Xigbar, and he knew that taking her down as a traitor would not have left Xigbar in the state he was in now. Something else had happened.

Ikxare had hardly been a normal Nobody, and Xaldin knew that her condition had played a role in her death. Whenever Xaldin saw these arches now, he thought of the shattering of the arch and how it had left splinters of stone and power in the room, and how the stone had been polished to the same sheen as a mirror along the inner coating of the stone that made up of the arch. The shattered stone had reminded him of the mirror that once hung in Xigbar's room in their apartment in Dark City, the mirror that was never replaced.

Xigbar had been late the night the mirror borke, finishing one of Xemnas' more abstract orders, and Xaldin had returned first. Ikxare had finished her duties earlier that day seven years ago and Xaldin knew that she would have been hanging around the apartment waiting for Xigbar. He had entered the building quietly after noticing that the lights had all been turned off. At first he thought that maybe Ikxare had decided to wait somewhere else, but after moving deeper into the two room apartment he had learned the truth.

As he had approached his room, he heard a loud crash from Xigbar's room and an angry shout. He had then moved to the door to Xigbar's room and heard more noises, sounds of falling glass and weeping. At that point Xaldin had been genuinely curious as to what was happening and had opened the door. He hadn't been prepared for what he had found inside.

The room was layered in shadows until Xaldin had turned the light on. Once the fluorescent bulb had caught Xaldin had proceeded into the room toward the bathroom in the back. The noises had continued despite the light change. As he had looked into the small tiled room, Xaldin, for the first time in two years, had felt the closest thing to shock as a Nobody could feel.

The mirror above the sink was shattered, and shards were scattered across the floor and sink. Ikxare had pushed herself into a corner and was staring at the wall, mumbling and sobbing. Her hands kept flailing back and forth as if trying to ward off an attack. Xaldin had moved to her and had tried to touch her, but once he had come within two feet of the woman she no longer was crying or mumbling. Instead, she had turned against him with a savage attack. He had been caught unawares and had taken a blow to the chest. Ikxare's power had been over the mind, but the attack on that day had been something completely different.

Xaldin had been thrown from the room and knocked unconscious. When he had finally regained consciousness Xigbar still had yet to return, Ikxare had returned to her corner, and his lower chest had become one giant bruise. He had risen to his feet, this time prepared for any attack from the woman, but she had shown no sign of recognizing his presence. The second time he had been able to reach her and look her in the eye. Her expression had been vacant and her words had echoed, "You aren't there, you're gone," over and over again. Xaldin had kept his wind manipulation ready as he had gently moved her from the bathroom floor to the bed and had sat her down while he had searched the room and bathroom for anything to wrap her hands with. While he had been examining her mutilated hands and cut forehead she had finally come back from her nightmare, looking at Xaldin as if for the first time that night and asking, "Are the voices finally gone?" He had had no answer for her then.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Footsteps echoed from the stairway at the far end of the room and Xaldin looked up at the approaching Nobody. As Xaldin looked up the footsteps stopped suddenly and a black cloaked figure launched itself at Xaldin. Out of reaction Xaldin called up his wind and two of his lances, catching the attacker in mid-air and pointing the two blades at his head. He squeaked in surprise, giving away his identity. "Demyx, I don't know if I really want to know the answer to this question, but what the hell are you doing?"

Demyx, rather than responding, started flailing his arms and kicking his feet, trying to move toward Xaldin despite being stuck in the air. The result was a rather odd scene where Demyx resembled more of a dying fish than a powerful being capable of creating hundreds of clones. With an exasperated sigh of defeat the young man stopped moving and lowered his hood. "I'm…floating…"

Xaldin arched an eyebrow at the young man. Demyx turned his head away in defiance, light blue eyes closing and nose pointed in the air. His hair looked as odd as usual, dark blonde and shaved close above his ears but long along the middle of his scalp and neck. It was carefully styled, one of Demyx's quirks, and added to his rebellious attitude. The overall look created was that of a punk star, which was completed when he summoned his sitar and used music to control his element, water.

"I can see that. But that wasn't what I was asking," Xaldin crossed his arms and released the two lances, but kept his hold on the wind, "I want to know what made you possessed enough to come at me like that. Did Marluxia or Axel put you up to it again?"

"I'm busy right now, so if you come back later-"

Demyx found himself flipped upside down and face to face with Xaldin, who in turn was smirking.

"Demyx, my patience is running thin. What-do-you-want?"

"Alright, I'll tell you. Patrick told me to." Demyx held his hands up before his face in defense. Xaldin stared at Number IX, echoing his statement.

"Patrick told you to...Patrick…the Heartless…" Demyx nodded quickly as Xaldin brought a hand to his head to massage his temple. Patrick was a small Heartless that had been taken in by the Melodius Nocturne. Perhaps it was Demyx's way of trying to prove they still had hearts, but no one cared to ask Demyx to explain. Whereas with Axel the Organization tried to ignore the man, Demyx was humored. Things were just simpler that way. So when Demyx had arrived at a meeting one day with a Heartless on his lap, with a blue collar and bell around its black neck, the rest of the members had simply stared and accepted the new addition. Demyx was Demyx, and there was nothing more to be said on the matter.

"Yeah, he said that you looked like you needed a hug, and that I should give you one, but if you would rather me go find Xigbar and tell him to give you a hug that's okay."

"What are you talking about? I hardly need a 'hug' from anyone."

"But your face was sad." Demyx's face turned somber as he lowered his hands to Xaldin's face. His touch was light and hesistant. Xaldin reached up at the hands and gently pushed them away, not quite sure how to respond.

He knew that his mind told him to show affection for the young man who tried so hard to keep everyone happy, and maybe if he was able to feel he could have given Demyx some gesture of gratitude. It was too late to believe such foolishness though. Xaldin released his grip on Demyx's wrists and stared thoughtfully at the upside down face. Finally he spoke, turning Demyx's somber face to indignance, "So Patrick talks to you and tells you what to do. You listen to a Heartless, even though we command Heartless. Interesting…"

"Just because you don't have a pet doesn't mean you can make fun of Patrick and me! Patrick is a special Heartless-"

"For a 'special' child-"

"Whaddya mean by that?"

Xaldin smirked at the reddening of Demyx's face, though he wasn't sure if it was from anger or just from the effects of hanging upside down. Xaldin looked past Demyx suddenly and his face lost its amusement.

"While I'm sure that Demyx deserves whatever punishment he seems to have gained from you, perhaps you should take this somewhere not so…public." Demyx turned bright red now and tried to look around at whoever was speaking. His attempt failed as Xaldin released the wind prison. Demyx fell to the ground in a crash, accompanied by a string of curses.

"Can I help you, Saïx?" Xaldin had retained his mask of indifference despite the words of the Luna Diviner and having a dazed Demyx twitching at his feet. Saïx approached the two members slowly from the doorway to Naught's Approach. His long blue hair swayed as he moved, gold eyes radiating unearthly patience. The x-shaped scar across his nose and forehead wrinkled as he frowned at Demyx.

"Superior wishes to see you. He is further on, at the Alter of Naught. Demyx, move yourself off of the floor immediately. You are a disgrace to the Organization's name." Demyx shuffled to his feet and stammered an apology. Saïx returned his gaze to Xaldin and they locked eyes.

"Very well, I will go to meet him now. Demyx, you are dismissed. If you ever try that again, though…" Demyx nodded and stepped into a portal to safety. Saïx's eyes followed his moves carefully until the portal had vanished, leaving the two men in a room filling with tension. "Did you need to say that to him? He is trying, but we both know that Demyx isn't fully capable of acting like a true Nobody. Treating him like that will only make matters worse."

"Humoring his whims is not going to teach the young man anything either. I have nothing more to say to you Number III, my attention is required elsewhere." Saïx walked past Xaldin and to the transport that led to the Graceful Assassin's location. "The preparations are almost complete. We must all be ready to fight for Kingdom Hearts."

"You just worry about yourself." Saïx stepped through the portal and was taken away from the room to meet with Marluxia, as the symbol on the ground indicated, at Castle Oblivion where he was stationed.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Shaking his head, Xaldin stepped into a portal of Darkness that would take him to the Alter of Naught. Xemnas had created transports for all the other members, but when it came to finding Xemnas the others were forced to walk or port to where they hoped to find him.

Xaldin felt the Corridor of Darkness pressing in on him from all sides, trying to devour him and destroy him. He focused his mind on the destination. He had made this trip hundreds of times and no longer was curious what the Darkness held in its depths.

Darkness was a part of every heart, with the few exceptions of the princesses, and created this realm where the Nobodies and Heartless traveled and lived. And now the Darkness was branching out as the Organization created links with the other worlds to spread the Darkness and gain more hearts for their goal. Darkness carried in it all the anger, hate, fear, jealousy, and guilt of the hearts of the living, in turn transferring those feelings as energy to the beings that lived in Darkness, making them stronger. Kingdom Hearts dwelled within Darkness as well and gained energy from the hearts harvested by the Organization. Sometimes the hearts had voices too, calling out to the Darkness, screaming.

Xaldin ignored the voices, having become used to them after so many trips through this realm. A particularly loud scream echoed beside him as a young heart was drawn into Darkness. An energy form passed by him, rubbing off on him like an oil stain. As it touched him he pulled away, recoiling from the sound and the cold sensation that crept up his spine. His arm ached from an old wound that he had received six years ago, a wound that reminded him of the price of failure and how close he had come to the end of his own existence.

He had become her first victim, but not her last.

Xaldin closed his eyes, watching the memory unfold before him and was helpless to stop it. The Darkness was consuming his strength and fueling the affect of his subconscious. Xaldin found himself back six years, at the mansion in Twilight Town, when life still flowed through the mansion and laughter still echoed within…

Xaldin returned to the mansion to find Ikxare for Superior early that morning and had found her in a study off the great hall, dozing with her head on her hands, short lavender hair disheveled. Xigbar had already been assigned a mission and was not able to get Ikxare after she had missed the meeting that morning, so it had been left to Xaldin to find her and bring her in.

Xaldin stepped out his portal and into the main foyer of the mansion, grumbling to himself. The seven of them were supposed to meet this morning to discuss a new member that was going to be recruited soon, and lo and behold, Ikxare had not shown up. Xigbar had given some lame excuse about how the woman hadn't met with him and he had no requirement to make sure she did anything. Xemnas, unfortunately needed Xigbar to take care of something else, so Xaldin had been given orders to pick her up and bring her in. Now Xaldin stood in the mansion, listening for any sign of her location.

A soft snore came from the side room. Sighing Xaldin walked to the slightly open doors and pulled them open. There she was, head on the desk facing away from him. Xaldin moved toward her and grabbed her shoulder, desiring only to return to the World that Never Was and receive a real order and real work. As he touched her shoulder he felt a shock pass through his body and suddenly found himself paralyzed, the world drained of color and depth. Ikxare was still sleeping on the table, or at least he thought she was until another Ikxare had appeared before him, her skin a dark gray and hair a deep black; her eyes glowing yellow and a sadistic smile on her lips.

Xaldin tried to pull away, tried to summon a lance, tried to do something, but he still wasn't able to move. Dark Ikxare laughed at his struggle, "Keep trying to fight, Xaldin, keep trying to break away. The harder you fight the stronger I become. I have been waiting years for this moment." Dark Ikxare stepped forward toward Xaldin and the real Ikxare, who Xaldin now realized was not sleeping but comatose.

"Ikxare, wake up! Come on, wake up!"

"She can't hear you, her mind is under my control. Her body belongs to me now, and I am finally free from my prison that you fools placed me under. Yes, when you created Ikxare from Keira, you Nobodies failed to notice the spike of energy that altered her brain functions. That spike was her mental willpower shielding my existence from the world, forcing me into the depths of her mind. We were a part of one another until you gave her the power to smother me, we coexisted in one body until you disrupted that harmony."

"I don't know really care what your story is. I don't care how much you think you know. But I do mind that you think you can show up and mess with a member of Organization XIII."

"Let me explain my creation in smaller words for you. When most Nobodies come into existence, they become devoid of all emotion, creatures of pure Darkness. They remember what it was like to feel, but the true sensation is forever lost to them. Only when you created Ikxare-"

"I had nothing to do with her, so if you have a problem, take it up with Vexen."

"Fine, when Vexen created Ikxare, he decided to see what would happen if a Nobody was created that retained the ability to feel certain sensations, particularly rage. He tried to change the process of creating a Nobody with a program that he created. From what I saw while trapped within the Darkness as Keira's heart was removed, Vexen and the other, Zexion, had tried to leave small portions of the heart behind. They wanted to create a Nobody that would be a force of destructive power, of rage, nothing else. But when they left those slivers of the heart behind, Keira grasped one part and used its power of Light to seal the effects of the experiment within her memories, effectively erasing her own past in an attempt to stop the experiment and keep me hidden.

"She became Ikxare, a woman with no past and no future as a failed experiment, merely existing in your world. She could not remember her previous life, _our life_, as a murderer. Her memories of me had been erased as well. But every time she entered the Darkness to port from one place to the next, small cracks formed in the shield placed on me. Every time she used Darkness the hearts and souls of those within Darkness surrounded her and used her powers against her, infiltrating her mind through her mental abilities. You Nobodies caused this, and now I will finish it. I have been waiting patiently, biding my time until I collected the strength to take her body as my own, and thanks to you I am now able." Dark Ikxare had reached the table and moved her hand to brush Ikxare's hair to the side, "None of you ever thought that such an innocent being would be your end."

"Why are you doing this?"

"To claim Kingdom Hearts as my own, of course, and use the Darkness within it to take control of all the worlds. Once I have completed that, I will continue to harvest the hearts of the living and take that power for myself. And there is nothing that you foolish creatures can do to stop me." Dark Ikxare became transparent and began to merge with the comatose woman. Xaldin felt his energy drain away at an alarming rate and his arm went numb. Color returned to the world around him and he pulled away as Ikxare stood from the table, stretching her muscles.

Xaldin stumbled away, trying to summon any power to fight her with or at least escape, but Dark Ikxare had used his energy to take over Ikxare and he was as helpless as a newborn babe. Ikxare's body moved jerkily toward him as the new owner became used to its functions. She began to move more smoothly as Xaldin reached the doorway to the main hall and fled the room. Instinct saved him as he sensed movement behind him and twisted to face her onslaught.

She struck him on his left arm and side, missing his back by less than a second. He had recognized the power of the attack as the same from the year before during the mirror episode. At that moment he understood why Ikxare had been so frightened that day, if this was the monster that had been tormenting her for two years from the Darkness. The blow was enhanced by the energy waves that Dark Ikxare was able to control and Xaldin felt the bones in his arm shatter and his ribs strain at the pressure.

It was pure luck that Xigbar ported into the room then. Xaldin crashed into the display in the center of the room and slumped forward as physical pain overwhelmed his senses. He watched Xigbar's face turn from shock to confusion as he looked at the two, unsure of the situation and how to act.

"Xigbar, that's not Ikxare, if you have ever trusted me, listen to me now! That's not the woman you knew, Xigbar. Move!" Xigbar backed up, hesitant. "Damnit Xigbar, move! She will kill you!" Xigbar jumped then, springing into action.

Dark Ikxare had moved faster, though, and countered his gun fire with blasts of her own. She used the energy waves to increase her speed and flashed across the room. Xigbar's power over space was his saving grace and he kept up with Dark Ikxare's movements. The room had quickly turned to a war zone, and Xaldin struggled to stay out of the line of fire. Dark Ikxare noticed Xaldin though, and sent another blast his way. Xaldin was powerless to stop the wave from coming at him and braced as best he could for the hit.

The hit never came. Xigbar placed himself between the wave and Xaldin and redirected the blast into the ground with a small portal he created quickly. The tile floor exploded, sending shrapnel and debris in all directions. Xigbar turned to cover Xaldin with his own body, taking the brunt of the explosion. When the dust cleared, Dark Ikxare had fled the mansion, leaving Xigbar to decide between following her or care for his fallen friend. Xigbar's left cheek had been hit with a piece of tile and a large gash stretched from his cheekbone to his jaw line.

"Xaldin, what happened? How did this happen?"

"Xigbar, I'll explain everything later, but right now you have to warn the others. She said that she would be taking Kingdom Hearts. You have to get there first. I'll be fine, just go." Xigbar hesitated, not wanting to leave Xaldin in the state he was in.

"I'll send help. Hold on." Xigbar turned and ran through a portal of Darkness, leaving Xaldin in the ruined hall.

Xaldin watched Xigbar merge into the Darkness and whispered under his breath, "Promise?" After that he had lost consciousness.

When he had finally awoken at the Castle that Never Was, he ran from the room he had been put in by whoever had come for him to the Proof of Existence. He watched her fade, the nightmare prevented.

And the truth had been smothered by orders.

The memory lost its hold on Xaldin as he bit the inside of his cheek with his teeth as hard as he could, breaking away and returning to the present. The Darkness was dragging him down, dragging him away from his destination. Snarling he pushed forward, will power overcoming the attempted hold on him, and forced his way out of the Darkness onto the platform of the Alter of Naught. Gasping, he looked at the back of Number I's figure. Never before had the Darkness tried so hard to ensnare him. But what didn't kill a person made them stronger, right?

Taking a deep breath Xaldin looked up at the huge moon in awe. Kingdom Hearts lay so close, and yet, it was still not ready. The struggles that the Organization had fought through were finally showing results.

"I have been expecting you, Number II." Xemnas, Number I in the Organization, turned slowly to face Xaldin. Kingdom Hearts cast its glow down upon the man's silver hair from behind Xemnas. Xaldin watched his leader walk towards the railing of the Alter of Naught and nodded in affirmation.

"I wished to speak with you about a few different things. The first of which is the matter of reassignments I have been considering. Numbers IV and XII to Castle Oblivion with Number XI. They will act out my orders through Number XI who will be my acting leader there. Number VIII is the go-between of the two castles and will be busy attending to his new duties as well. Numbers V and VI will picking up the slack here in the absence of IV and XII. Numbers IX, X, XIII and yourself will remain here and prepare for further orders. Number VII is carrying my orders to Number XI at Castle Oblivion until Number VIII is contacted. Number II will also remain here if he cooperates.

"When I say that Number II will have to cooperate I am referring to his behavior. It is to my understanding that he approached you and placed his duties upon you despite complete understanding of my orders. Now, this is unacceptable. I don't care why he chose to do this, but the role he sets for the other members is one of rebellion and disregard. Today he chose to avoid his appointed duties. Last week he stuck all of the hard copy files of the reports he collected to the ceiling of the Hall of Empty Melodies in the design of Number VIII receiving a 'headshot' from one of his shooters. It took Number IV six hours to retrieve every page as Number II was nowhere to be found.

"I am willing to overlook these matters on one condition. I want you to find Xigbar and force him to see reason and the foolishness of his ways. I want you to explain to him certain matters that have been kept confidential and remind him of his place. If you cannot do this, he will be dealt with." Xemnas turned to face Xaldin, his face passive.

Xaldin studied the face of Xemnas and the man's bright gold eyes, thinking over his options carefully. "Are you giving me the order to tell Number II the truth? Am I correct to understand that you want me to tell him about what happened with Ikxare?"

"I believe that is what I said." Xemnas motioned to a hovering file beside him and it moved to Xaldin. "Here is all the information submitted by yourself after the incident that you will need."

"Why now? It's been six years, so why now?"

"Number III, the time is near for Kingdom Hearts to be complete, and we cannot afford to take any unnecessary risks. Number II's instability is a risk. When I created him, I saw the potential in him and his strength. We will need that power to complete our goal, just as we need the power of every member that has gathered. Have I made myself understood now?

"Yes, Superior." Xaldin watched the lean man carefully. Xemnas was dangerous at all times because he had embraced the truth of being a Nobody and was truly devoid of emotion. Every action he made was carefully calculated and planned. He wasted nothing, and when something or someone lost their value, he had them removed.

"Now, is there anything you wished to discuss with me?" Xaldin looked up at the golden eyes, lowering the folder from his face.

"I wanted to bring forward the problems that Number VIII may cause in the near future. He is trying the patience of certain superior members."

"Ah yes, Number VIII. I fear that he will not be strong enough for the tasks ahead if he continues on this path. I will keep your concerns in mind. You are dismissed. Number III, remember, you are to bring Number II back in a more preferable state of mind, or not at all."

"Yes, Superior." Xaldin bowed and backed away from Xemnas, turning only after reaching the stairway that led to Ruin's and Creation's Passage. He was not keen on using Darkness again any time soon, so as avoid any 'unnecessary risks.' He stuffed the white folder into his coat pocket next to the pen and a leather key chain.

As he began his descent down the stairway he felt a portal open behind him. He slowed his pace to hear who had arrived, eyebrows scrunching as he Xemnas called out to him, "Ah, Number VIII. Thank you for coming at so late an hour. I have a special assignment for you…"

Xaldin shook his head, what those two had to speak on was none of his business. He walked onto the platform that led into the Passage. This was the largest room within the Castle, a cylindrical room with no clear way how to get from platform to platform. From the walls oozed Darkness that slowed moved down along the edge of the room. Hovering pyramids held glowing crystals to provide light within the room. At the bottom of the room was a doorway leading out to Naught's Approach. The Darkness was flowing through that doorway where it would then disperse into the Darkness that surrounded the Castle.

Xaldin moved to the edge of the top platform and confidently stepped off. Hexagonal shaped energy tiles responded to his presence and a pathway was created down to the next platform. Xaldin quickly walked down the glowing path and passed from one platform to the next as the path curved from landing to landing. When he reached the base of the room and continued on to Naught's Approach. Naught's Approach curved around the outside of the Castle as it made its way down to the Proof of Existence.

He entered the small room for the second time this night and moved to the topmost arch on his right. The symbol below marked the arch as the Freeshooter's. With any luck Xigbar would be there and in a listening mood. Xaldin stepped into the glowing archway and felt himself pulled away from the small room. As he finished his step he found himself in a long room with a balcony at one end and small targets at the other.

The range was empty and the targets were still clean. Xigbar hadn't come by here recently. Xaldin sighed and stepped back through the doorway to the Proof of Existence. This left two other places he could try.

Xaldin called up Darkness and created a portal. He stepped into the energy and thought of Sunset Hill in Twilight Town. There was no incident within the Corridor of Darkness this time, and even the voices were silent. Xaldin stepped out of the portal and looked around the hilltop for any sign of his friend.

Walking toward the railing he noticed the shattered board and sighed. "Well, so much for you being in a good mood, Xig. You better be at the apartment." Xaldin stepped back into the portal and thought this time of the small apartment that he and Xigbar shared occasionally in Dark City.

Xaldin stepped out of the portal and found himself before Memory's Skyscraper. Dark City was the perfect place for the Nobodies and Heartless to reside while in the World that Never Was. Kingdom Hearts hung in the dark sky, shining down on the empty streets with neon signs. The most prominent building within the City was the Skyscraper.

Memory's Skyscraper was covered with neon lights and reached stories above the other buildings around it. It kept watch on the streets of Dark City and provided a beacon for all wandering Heartless and Nobodies, drawing the beings to the center of the city where they would be then sent on the Castle that Never Was. The Castle loomed beyond the Skyscraper, hovering above an abyss of Darkess.

But Xigbar and Xaldin did not reside within the Skyscraper despite its popularity. They lived instead in Fragment Crossing, in one of the more inconspicuous buildings. Their makeshift home was small and quiet, but that was all they wanted when they had come to this world. Even though they had grown apart over the years, the apartment was still a refuge for the two men when it was necessary to spend time away from the ordeals of reality and the Organization. This was the last place Xaldin could check for Xigbar before having to send out a search party of his minion Dusks.

Xaldin entered the dark building quietly, using the spare key that Xigbar had given him. The key was tied to a braided leather cord that Xaldin could grab easily from his pocket. Xaldin closed the door behind him and moved deeper into the apartment. As he walked he flipped light switches and the fluorescent bulbs flickered to life. He made his way through the entryway painted in light gray and into the white kitchen. The tiled floors were clean, but since Xigbar didn't necessarily walk on the floor when he didn't want to this was no indication of whether the man had come through here or not. Xigbar had also repressed his presence so Xaldin could not sense if the man was in the apartment or not.

Xaldin moved to a small silver fridge in the corner of the room and pulled out the leather keychain again. A smaller key swung next to the apartment key. This key he inserted into the fridge lock and turned gently. His eyebrow twitched in irritation as the door opened to reveal nothing inside. He was positive that he had stored some alcohol here the last time he passed through, and he had the only key. Well at least he knew that Xigbar had been here, as no one else would have been able to get to the drinks without breaking open the fridge. And since all the booze was gone, Xigbar couldn't have gone far.

Xaldin closed the door and ventured further into the gray apartment, turning the next hall light on and the light to the living room. Both were devoid of cans, bottles, and Xigbar. He turned back to the hallway and look at the two closed doors. One place left: Xigbar's room. No matter how drunk he got or how rude he could be, Xigbar respected Xaldin's privacy and left his room alone if nothing else. Xaldin moved to the second door and checked the handle. The door was unlocked so Xaldin let himself in. The ceiling light was off but a desk lamp had been plugged in to give the room some light. Xaldin walked to the lamp and removed his gloves.

He tapped the bulb gently, noting that it was too hot to hold. If Xigbar had been by, he had turned the lamp on then. The desk was dusty from neglect and the only clean spot was where a picture frame had once been. Xaldin turned around and looked around the room, eyes moving from the floor to the ceiling until he heard a small hiccup from a dark corner of the room. As he turned his attention to the corner he heard a very drunk Xigbar call out, "How long ya gonna stand der, Shaldin?"

Xaldin walked back to the doorway and hit the light switch, filling the room with white light. Xigbar brought his hand up, or down depending on perspective, to shield his eyes. "What da helld ya do that for?"

"Get down here, I have to talk to you."

"I don wanna." Xigbar placed the sake bottle on the ceiling before him and crossed his arms defiantly. His face was red and he was swaying precariously. He had discarded his coat and was sitting in just his pants with numerous bottles and cans spread around him. He had created a gravitational field around himself to keep the items from falling from the ceiling or spilling the precious liquid.

Xaldin looked his friend in the face and judged from the amount of swaying and slurred talk that Xigbar had consumed most of the alcohol in a very short period of time. "Get your ass down here before I make you come down here."

"I can schee you just fine from 'ere."

"I'm not going to ask you again, Xigbar."

"You're just that snot nosed kid who followed me round, watcha gonna do?" Xigbar suddenly found himself being pushed from the ceiling by a strong breeze and let out a string of curses that were slurred together as he fell the eight feet to the ground. Despite his incapacitating state he had managed to twist in the air and land on the carpet without breaking anything but his pride. Xaldin swept all the bottles together with another breeze and brought them down as well to be placed in the hallway.

"Are you ready to listen now?" Xaldin moved to the bed and sat on the covers. Xigbar managed to rise to a sitting position and lean against the wall, rubbing his now bruised bicep.

"Azshif." Xigbar turned his head to the side and grabbed the picture frame that had fallen with him. "Member when she made us take this in Twilight Town. She was so 'xcited, and sho happy when it was printed an' stuff."

"Xigbar, I need you to listen to me. There's something important I have to tell you."

"You pulled me off da fuckin ceilin'. I don wanna listen." Xigbar tried to stand up and the result was an unspectacular face plant onto the carpet. Xaldin sighed wearily. Xigbar could take hours to sober up after what he had consumed. Leaning forward he looked down at his friend and grunted. Xigbar had passed out.

"Wonderful." Xaldin stood and lifted Xigbar from the floor with his wind. He moved Xigbar to the bed and dumped the comatose man there instead. The only thing he could do now was wait for Xigbar to wake up. In the meanwhile, there was the matter of the empty cans and bottles to be dealt with, as well as the fact that now Xaldin could use a stiff drink. Xaldin dumped the trash in the kitchen and took off to go to another world for a drink. Beside Xigbar's head he left a note: "Stay here till I get back. There's something I've been ordered to tell you. –Xaldin"

Xaldin stepped out of the portal into the dim lamplight of Traverse Town. Traverse Town was close to the barrier between Light and Darkness, similar to Twilight Town, only Traverse Town was cloaked in night. Xaldin passed beneath the yellow glow from a lamp and pulled his hood up. He passed by small groups of people and the occasional wanderer without incident; Traverse Town was a gathering place for all those who had lost their homes. The people here kept their business to themselves and asked no questions.

Xaldin paused next to a small shop, looking into the large front window appraisingly. The crowd inside was relatively small but the bar in the back looked well stocked. Good enough for him. He slipped toward the brown door, passing out of the light from the window to the green neon glow from the sign above the door. He didn't look up, it didn't matter. So long as they kept the drinks coming he didn't care what the place was called.

Xaldin pushed the heavy door open and stepped into the room. He felt the eyes of the patrons turn to him. He kept his hood up as he walked slowly toward the bar, effectively letting the rest of the room know that he wanted to be left alone. He passed through the maze of tables as he scanned the room. His eyes searched all the patrons, of which there were three women sitting at the far back table and seven men in the room not including the bar tender, and came to the conclusion that none of the characters were unusually suspicious. He reached the bar and sat on the leather stool.

"What can I get you?" The tall man walked over as he cleaned a shot glass with a towel.

"Sake, cold."

"Nice choice, I think I have the perfect bottle."

Zaldin watched the bar tender lean beneath the bar. Behind him he heard the door creak open, another visitor coming in from the cold. Xaldin lifted his eyes to the mirror behind the bar and turned quickly.

"Steady there, big guy."

"Axel, what the hell are you doing here?" Xaldin tapped his fingers on the lacquered wood of the counter. The bartender behind him stood and placed a bottle and a small cup before him.

"A guy can't walk into a bar for a drink?" Axel sat down next to Xaldin and waved the bartender away.

"If you ordered a drink then maybe I wouldn't be suspicious, but the last time I checked you told us that you don't drink. Why are you here?" Xaldin poured the sake into the small cup and lifted it to his mouth, sipping the sweet liquid slowly.

"I suppose out of curiosity."

Xaldin looked at the man next to him in the mirror from within his hood. Axel was leaning on his hands, elbows supporting his weight. He was staring into the mirror at Xaldin, face indifferent. Xaldin lowered his cup and stood, placing some munny on the counter for the sake. Grabbing the bottle he turned from the counter and began to walk back through the maze of tables. He heard a stool scrape against the ground behind him. His grip tightened on the bottle and he increased his pace through the tables.

Xaldin ducked through the door and onto the cobbled street. He walked quickly down the street, growling at the footsteps that echoed behind him. He left the large street down a side alley. The light from the street strained to penetrate the shadows of the short path.

"Do you plan on following me around all night?"

Axel paused behind Xaldin, echoed footsteps halting. "Oh don't mind me. Pretend I'm not even here."

"The thing is, you're a hard guy to ignore."

"I'm flattered."

"Don't be. Get lost."

"Aren't you the least bit curious as to why I'm here?"

"Not anymore. I'm tired, I'm leaving. So stop following me." Xaldin prepared a portal behind him and began backing toward it.

"What makes you think I am following you? I'm not that kind of guy, got it memorized?"

Xaldin crossed his arms and backed into the portal. He stepped out of Darkness into the flickering neon glow of Dark City, sake bottle still in hand. Shortly after emerging he felt a shift of energy on the building behind him. Growling Xaldin spun around and turned his face up. He summoned forth his winds and leapt into the air. Supported by his control over the wind he rose to the rooftop of the building, six lances spinning around him and reflecting the light of the neon signs below. The sound of the wind was a roar in his ears as he lifted above the building and looked down on the smirking face of Axel.

"Someone's tense, wouldn't you agree Xaldin?"

"Give me one good reason to not rip you apart right now."

"Well, for one you can't. But let me give you a better reason, so just calm down up there. I'm just looking for Xigbar is all. Since I don't feel like searching myself, I figure following you is the next best thing. I'm betting that you know where he is right now."

"Who put you up to this?"

"No idea what you're talking about. I'm just a nosy guy. Is it a crime to be nosy?"

"Stalking is a crime, yes. So I'll tell you for the last time, stop following me. You can talk to Number II in the morning." Xaldin watched Axel shrug with a sigh.

"I'll hold you to that." Axel saluted with a smirk and stepped into a portal. Xaldin scrubbed his face with his hand and lowered himself to the roof, dismissing the wind and the lances. All he wanted was a quiet evening.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Xigbar looked around, squinting at the white glow that surrounded him. He tried to turn his head, but nothing happened. Or nothing seemed to happen. He wasn't sure. It was all white. He brought his hand up to his and his breath caught in his chest. His hand and arm were free of scars. His hand swung to his cheek and the scar there was gone too. As a final check his hand swept across his face to where the eye patch was supposed to be. He winced as his finger brushed against his eye.

His eye started watering painfully and he rubbed the now red area. Tears leaked onto his palm. He lowered the hand and felt a drop running down his finger. He watched the clear drop fall from his hand toward the Light. As the drop landed, it turned dark red, the color of blood. He looked back at his hand and saw the red liquid that covered his fingers, flowing from small cuts and deeper slashes that spanned from his palm to his forearm. Pain lanced through his head and he fell to his knees.

His whole body now ached with cuts, bruises, and broken bones, just like it had back then. He looked at both his bloody hands, thinking of how long it had been since he had seen his own blood. The Light began to fade to Darkness. His head was speared with pain and he brought his hands up to his face. His body spasmmed from the pain as one hand connected with a deep gash in his cheek and the other with the tattered remains on an eye socket. His vision blurred and he swayed. Looking back up he saw the Light disappearing into Darkness.

"Are you there? Are you leaving me again?" His voice sounded hollow within the folds of silence. The Light was fading fast now, shrinking to a small window. It moved away from him into the Darkness, leaving him in Darkness. "Wait!" He threw himself toward the Light, straining to reach it. His hand was almost there, he could almost touch it, but it was still just out of reach. "Come back, please, just come back." With a final thrust he pushed forward, his hand penetrating into the remaining Light.

He was blinded as Light exploded from the bubble all around him once more. Squinting he put his hand in front of his face. As his vision returned he looked around, recognizing the place. It was the Alter of Naught, Kingdom Hearts hovering close by. Xigbar looked up at the glowing moon, dreading what was to come next. He had had this nightmare more than once, a constant reminder of his sin.

_In the center of the Alter a portal grew. A black haired figure emerged, yellow eyes fixated on the moon before her. Dark Ikxare walked out of the portal toward Kingdom Hearts, her mouth twisted into a smirk. The body had been completely taken over now and no remaining sign of Ikxare remained. Two more portals opened before her, halting her approach. "Well, well, well. Looks who's come to stop me." Her voice was barely more than a whisper._

_"We have orders to stop you, foul creature. And we have no intention of failing." Zexion opened his lexicon as he spoke, blue-gray bangs falling before his face as his began his spell. Lexeaus shifted his grasp on his gigantic tomahawk and charged forward, his face set._

_"Aw that's too bad. Here I was willing to take you all as my underlings, but I guess now I have no choice but to kill you." Dark Ikxare laughed to herself, jumping away from Lexeaus' attack as she taunted the two Nobodies. Lexeaus attacked again, blade swinging through the air at Dark Ikxare. She kept dodging the man, instead making a jump toward Zexion. The short man broke his chant to dodge her attack, noticing too late the energy wave that accompanied the motion. The blow caught his side and he was thrown into the charging Lexeaus._

_The two men shouted in surprise and tried to untangle themselves quickly and defend themselves as Dark Ikxare began her onslaught._

Xigbar wanted to move, to stop Dark Ikxare, but since this was a nightmare he could do nothing but watch the scenario that his mind imagined. Each time he dreamed this, the lines were different and the attacks were altered, but the end was the same.

_A portal opened as if on cue and a fourth member joined the fight. Xigbar watched himself jump out of the portal, shooters firing crystals from different angles as he leapt around the platform. Dark Ikxare turned to face this new opponent, blocking his attacks with small bursts of energy. Lexeaus swung during the openings in Xigbar's shots and Zexion retreated a safe distance down the stairs, chanting once more._

_Ikxare, still smiling, began talking as well to distract her attackers, "That was fast, is that fool back at the mansion dead already? I had thought he would have lasted longer and provided some amusement later, but no matter. No? I see, you just left him behind. How admirable, leaving your companion behind to die."_

_The attacking Xigbar was not one to take a taunt lying down and responded with his own sharp wit, "As if. I don't know what you are or where you came from, but it's time you figured out that you're going to lose this fight."_

_"But if you kill me, than Ikxare will die as well."_

_"What does that matter? We can't feel, so killing you both will take no time at all."_

_Dark Ikxare laughed as she dodged Lexeaus once more. Xigbar had paused to let his shooters reload and she took the opening. Her energy level spiked and she released a sphere of energy around her body, repelling all three men and stunning them momentarily._

As he watched his dream, Xigbar wanted to leave the vision and not watch what would happen next, but his mind had other plans.

_Dark Ikxare jumped from her spot at the center of the Alter and slash at Lexeaus, throwing the large man down the stairs into a statue. She had then moved to the dazed Zexion and kicked him into the air, forcing him to drop his lexicon and halt his chant once more. She jumped into the air and pummeled the small man with a barrage of punches enhanced by energy waves. With a final blow to his stomach she sent him flying back down. He hit the ground hard, the tiles buckling under him as he shouted in pain. Lexaeus roared angrily and came charging up the stairs, swinging his tomahawk wildly. Dark Ikxare pranced away from the dazed Zexion beneath her foot and spun. She unleashed another burst of energy and the tall man was repelled back down the stairs once more._

Xigbar watched himself struggle to rise from the far side of the Alter. He watched as Dark Ikxare had used a burst of energy to reach him and dance around him, small shards of hardened energy in her hands.

_Dark Ikxare halted her onslaught as the man finally found an opening to raise a shooter and fire off a round of crystals. She spun away back to the center of the Alter with a laugh, dodging his attack easily. As Xigbar had continued to shoot at her, Dark Ikxare had summoned more power and sent another burst of energy out. Zexion had struggled to rise from his personal crater but hadn't moved fast enough and was caught by the brunt of the blow. Xigbar was also caught in the pulse and crushed against the railing of the Alter, tile debris catching him across the face and wedging into his eye. Pain exploded and he slumped forward, blinded by the agony._

_Dark Ikxare looked at the damage around her, smirk finally falling, "I had thought that you would have done better. How disappointing."_

Xigbar watched from his vantage as the final act was set into place and the nightmare neared its end.

_Dark Ikxare closed her eyes and prepared for a final attack, the blow that would finish the three men and cause them to fade. As she pulled in the energy, Xigbar stumbled forward, falling to his knees from the pain of her attacks, too broken to even lift an arm to fire at her. He knew that the next attack would kill them all, and that the other two members were too far to stop her if they had even been able. "Ikxare, I know that you're still in there, I know you can still hear me." He called out weakly, words slurring together as his vision spun._

_Dark Ikxare continued to pull in energy from the Darkness around her, ignoring the plea of the man. Xigbar crawled forward, eyes fixed on the woman, voice wavering, "Listen to me, stop her. I know this isn't what you wanted, and I need you to fight her and stop her from doing something that you will regret. I know you can do that." He tried to rise to a standing position but his legs wouldn't cooperate and he ended up in a kneeling position instead. He opened his mouth to try again, but closed it as Dark Ikxare paused._

"_No, you won't stop this. You had your chance to exist in control, now it's my turn. You will not interfere." Dark Ikxare started to argue aloud with a voice that only she could hear. Her voice grew from a quiet whisper to a shout as her form started to flicker as well, switching between her two sides._

_Xigbar heard Dark Ikxare argue with herself and called out his own support, trying to drown out the voice in his head. His orders echoed in his mind: If she turns, kill her. No exceptions. Maybe if she beat the other form than Xemnas would turn away from this and let it be forgotten. Maybe she could go into hiding and be left alone. Maybe. No, his orders were orders. He had no choice. He lifted his arm, the shooter heavier than before as he took aim._

Xigbar watched from above now as the other beneath him lifted the shooter and leveled it at Ikxare. He watched as Ikxare gained control over her body for one last time and smiled. He watched as the Xigbar beneath him fired a series of crystals at her. He watched as they pierced her form in a dozen places. He watched as she fell back, the damage to her body too great for any chance at survival. He watched as the other beneath him fell forward as well, exhaustion taking its toll on his body, and crawl toward the fading woman.

_Xigbar moved slowly on his hands and knees toward her, desperately trying to reach her before she was gone forever. "I'm sorry," he whispered, "Please forgive me, I had no choice."_

"_I know," her whisper barely reached his ears. "It's alright. I can be free now, I can be free from her now."_

_Xigbar reached her and pulled her into his arms as he looked down at her, his mind trying to remind him what he was supposed to feel here. Regret, grief, sorrow. But he felt nothing. He felt nothing as she reached up and touched his battered face, a smile on her face as her eyes focused on something beyond him. He felt nothing as she began to fade. He felt nothing_.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Xigbar sat up from the bed groggily, the dream vanishing into the depths of his mind. His head ached as he looked around the room. He didn't remember much of what had happened after he had left Sunset Hill, but if his hangover was any indication, he had raided Xaldin's stash at some point. He lowered his hand from his forehead and felt a paper slip crumple beneath it. He looked down, bringing the note to his face to read the small letters. The lines wouldn't stop moving so he put the paper back down. He would read it later. He noticed that his other hand was holding a small rectangular object and opened his fist, looking down at the picture.

Three smiling faces stared back at him, the tall clock tower of Station Hill looming in the background. Xaldin had his arm around Xigbar's shoulder and had that half-smirk, half-genuine smile on his face. Xigbar had his arms wrapped around a lavender haired woman with teal eyes, Ikxare. His head was leaning down on hers, no eye patch and no scar. Everything had been perfect then.

He turned the frame over and slid the photo out, reading the words that all three had written that day as a vow. The words stayed still this time as he read aloud what had been written. In Xaldin's small, clipped handwriting was: "The suffering chaperone." Xigbar had written: "Luckiest man alive dead." Ikxare had written: "No matter how dark the night may have been, you can depend on sunrise to bring back the light."

Xigbar stared at her words. "Do you still expect me to believe that?" He crumpled the picture up and threw it at the waste bin. He turned his attention back to the note from Xaldin and read the words. "Where do you expect me to go?" Xigbar dropped the note back on the bed and swung his feet over the edge. After a few tries he finally stood, though unsteady, and made his way to the bathroom. He turned the shower on and set the water to hot. As the steam began to rise over the opaque curtain he heard a thump from beyond his room and assumed that Xaldin had returned. To avoid confrontation he stripped and slipped past the curtain, letting the hot water run over his scarred body.

Xaldin heard the shower turn on and decided against trying to talk to his friend right now. Xigbar would need some time to relax and think before he would be ready to listen. Xaldin focused instead on putting away the groceries he had picked up while back in Traverse Town after his run in with Axel. He had bought enough food to last a while and enough alcohol to fill his small fridge, making sure to place a note on the door for Xigbar in case his friend felt like reaching into the cookie jar again: "Touch it, you die."

Xaldin placed the last can of food into the light oak cupboard and tossed the bags into the trash. The empty cans and bottles were still there from the previous night. Before Xaldin had returned to Dark City he had checked the time, noting that by the time he got back it would be around five in the morning. He moved to his bedroom and unzipped his long coat and tossed it on the bed, watching the white folder slide out from the coat pocket. He stepped out of the boots and sat on his bed. How was he going to tell Xigbar what happened? Six years ago he had been ready to tell his friend everything, but things had changed. He wasn't sure if Xigbar would be able to handle the truth now, or if he would be forced to carry out his latter order.

Xaldin knew why he was chosen for the job, why Xemnas had picked him rather than any other senior member. Xigbar trusted him. Xigbar wouldn't expect an attack from him. He was the perfect man for the crime, and as he could feel no guilt or regret he would carry out that order. So why did he hesitate now, why did he give Xigbar the luxury of a few more minutes of peace?

Xaldin pulled off his long sleeved black shirt and gloves and placed them on the bed beside him. He traced the scars on his left arm as he tried to think of what to say to his friend. He lifted his head as he heard the shower stop. In three minutes Xigbar would find him. In three minutes he would have to decide whether he needed to kill his best friend, his former love, his mentor. He would have to choose whether or not to kill the man who had once meant everything to him.

But he couldn't feel. So there was no problem. He couldn't feel.

"Hey, Xal, we got any food. Cause I'm starving."

"Uh," Xaldin glanced up at the man with a start. Xigbar was lounging in the door in a pair of black sweat pants and a towel hanging from his neck. His damp hair was trailing down his back. His body was covered with scars from numerous battles both before and after he had become a Nobody. Xaldin's eyes were drawn to the scar on his face and the eye patch. He nodded his head, "Yeah. In the kitchen. I picked some stuff up."

"Great. You want anything?"

"No, I ate already."

Xigbar shrugged and headed for the kitchen, drops of water falling from his hair to the floor. Xaldin looked over his shoulder at the white folder. The cover reflected the light from the bulb above. He considered leaving it there, but Xigbar had the right to see what was written there in the archives. He leaned over and grabbed the file. He stood from the bed and walked out of the room, turning the light off as he passed through the doorway.

Xigbar was busy making a mess in the kitchen as he tried to make a simple sandwich, leaving lettuce bits and condiment droppings on the counter top as he concentrated on what to put between the two slices of bread. Plop. Xaldin moved into the kitchen as Xigbar bent down to retrieve the fallen piece of meat from the floor, now debating whether or not to still use it.

"Go sit down before you hurt yourself." Xaldin grabbed the plate away from Xigbar and started the sandwich over.

Xigbar held up the slice from the floor, but a withering look from Xaldin made him decide that the piece belonged in the trash. He moved to sit at the table and noticed the folder that Xaldin had brought with him. He had seen one like it before while in the archives with Zexion and was curious to know what was in it, but if he had to choose between the folder and the sandwich, he would pick the sandwich. He sat down and put his feet up on the next chair across from him.

Xaldin watched Xigbar eye the folder on the counter. Maybe Xigbar would just grab it and open it, saving him the trouble of explaining matters. His speculations were dashed as Xigbar looked away and waited patiently for the sandwich. Xaldin brought the finished sandwich to the table for Xigbar and placed it before the older man.

"Thanks, dude." Xigbar swallowed the sandwich in a matter of gulps and looked back at Xaldin. Xaldin was trying to clean up Xigbar's mess but noticed the look.

"You got legs, you know where the fridge is."

"Couldn't hurt to try…" Xigbar, rather than get up and move though, raised his hand and stuck it through a small portal by his side. This was one of his favorite uses of the power over space, being able to reach almost anywhere without too much effort. He pulled his hand out and in it was a can of beer.

"Did you even look at the note? I told you what's in that fridge is mine. Put it back." Xigbar ignored the man and proceeded to open the can.

"Put-it-back," Xaldin repeated. Xigbar chose to ignore him again and lifted the drink to his lips. Before he could take a drink, though, the can flew from his hand to the floor, spilling its contents on the tiles.

"What the hell! It's just a beer, Xaldin. Why do you get all worked up over a beer?"

"I got your attention, didn't I? As I tried to tell you last night, I have something you need to hear. Xemnas gave me orders to tell you, so I need you-"

"Does this have to do with that sappy little note you left on the bed?"

"Yeah, it does, so if you would just-"

"Cause that was the lamest thing ever, man. Who leaves notes like that anymore?"

"Xigbar-"

"So what did he want you to do? Are you supposed to 'deal' with me? No, if it was that you wouldn't have waited for me to wake up. And you wouldn't have to talk…"

"Xigbar, would you-"

"Am I being reassigned cause I've been a bad boy? That's it, isn't it? He's sending me to the fucking 100 Acre Woods or some shit…That is torture, I mean, can you imagine me trying to live there…ugh." Xigbar shivered at the thought.

"Xigbar, will you stop talking-"

"Or maybe its Atlantica…that is scary. Though I wonder what kind of tail I would have. I heard some people turn into, like, turtles…that would suck."

"Xigbar-"

"Where else could he send me? He would make it the most terrible place he could…"

"Damnit Xigbar! Just shut the fuck up for one second! It's about Ikxare." Xigbar's eye snapped to Xaldin and he closed his mouth. "There's something that you don't know about her. Something that Xemnas has ordered me to tell you about."

Xigbar stood from the table and started to walk to the front door. "I don't care. I don't want to know."

"Xigbar you have to listen to what I have to say. If you don't-"

"What, will he demote me? Is he going to give me paper duty for the next fifty years?"

"He's going to have you killed." Silence fell over the two men as Xigbar stopped. "He ordered me to kill you if you wouldn't listen."

"You always did follow orders to the letter."

"Just listen to me, please. Remember when you came to the mansion and she tried to kill us? Well I never had a chance to tell you what happened. And after it was finished, Xemnas ordered me to keep quiet. But now, he wants you to know what she told me, before you came."

"Is that what's in the folder?"

"Yeah. I gave a report to Vexen and it was archived."

Xigbar walked to the counter and grabbed the folder. He took it to his room and shut the door, leaving Xaldin at the table waiting.


	9. Chapter 9

* * *

Chapter 9

Xaldin waited at the table for twenty minutes before Xigbar emerged, folder in hand. Xaldin stood from the table, watching Xigbar carefully. Xigbar had put his coat and boots on and his hair was tied up again.

"So you read this, right?" Xigbar said.

"I wrote it."

"You were wrong. Ikxare wasn't gone."

"Xig, I watched the Dark Ikxare take over her body. She tried to kill us both, as well as Lexaeus and Zexion. That's not something the Ikxare we knew would have done. She wasn't _there_ anymore."

"You never trusted her. You never liked her. Of course you would say that she wasn't there anymore."

"You're right, I didn't care much for her. But I knew what she meant to you and I wouldn't have said what I did lightly. She almost killed you, Xigbar. Is that something that Ikxare would have done?"

"You're right, the Dark Ikxare did try to kill me. But here's something not you nor Vexen nor fucking Xemnas knows. Ikxare was still in there. She came back to stop her other side from killing us all. She fought for us, even when she was in pain and dying, she fought for us."

"That still doesn't change the fact that she was unstable and dangerous."

"Is that what you call it, unstable? Is that what Xemnas said? That I'm unstable? That I need to be put down?" Xigbar crossed behind the counter and tossed the folder down.

"Ikxare was different. She wasn't created right."

"So she was an experiment that broke away from protocol and decided to live, huh? That made her _so_ dangerous."

"Why do you keep standing up for her? She tries to kill you and you side with her? And for that matter, why do you spend one day a year a mess over her?"

"I told you, Ikxare saved us-"

"From herself, I get it. But why do you have to play the sentimental depressed lover once a year for her? Your report said that you and Lexaeus used an opening to stop her. You've killed dozens in cold blood, but you can't fight an honest battle?"

"You wouldn't understand."

"What wouldn't I understand?"

"You refuse to understand."

"I have no idea what you are talking about, Xigbar."

"Oh yeah, play the ignorant card."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Xaldin left the table and stood at the end of the counter.

"You want to know what happened? I killed her, I followed my orders and killed her." Xigbar slammed a fist down on the counter. "That opening we reported was her fighting for control over the body. Dark Ikxare had hit us hard, and was charging up for round two when she started yelling at someone. Lexaeus and Zexion were too far to reach her and it came down to me to stop her. She was yelling for that someone to release their grip and let her finish. Ikxare was fighting back. She was winning the battle, but I followed my damn orders and shot her. I killed her, I took away her last chance at living." Xigbar slumped to his knees, "I killed her."

Xaldin stood still, processing what Xigbar had just said. He took slow steps to the man and knelt down beside him, pulling the smaller frame close. They stayed silent, breathing in and out, muscles taut. "Wait here," Xaldin released Xigbar and stood, walking out of the kitchen. He came back with his coat on and grabbed Xigbar's arm. "Come with me."

"No Xaldin, I'm tired and just want to go sleep now." Xaldin ignored the protests and dragged Xigbar into a portal. Together they stepped out in Twilight Town. They were at the top of the clock tower at the Station. "Why are we here Xal?"

"Just wait."

"I'm going back to the apartment-"

"Shut up, sit down, and wait. I'll sit _on_ you if I have to."

Xigbar glared at the taller man, but complied. The clock behind them read 6:25 in the morning. Xigbar looked at Xaldin and saw the man's gaze fix on the mountainous horizon. He turned his own eye that way as well, chewing on his lip. He knew why Xaldin had brought him here, Ikxare had forced him here more than once to watch the sunrise, her favorite part of the day. She had loved the Light, even though he no longer walked in it. He had wanted to give her that life, to complete Kingdom Hearts and return her to the Light more than anything, but instead he had killed her. He had no right to be here.

Xaldin looked down at Xigbar. His friend's face was fixated on the horizon beyond them, his face full of pain. Xaldin turned his gaze back up, "Do you remember what Ikxare told us once?" Xigbar turned his head up at Xaldin, and his gold eye watched Xaldin warily. Xaldin crossed his arms across his chest and turned his face up, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. The clock behind them made another resounding tick as the minute hand moved closer to the six. "No matter how dark the night may have been-"

"You can depend on sunrise to bring back the light." Xaldin looked down at Xigbar and their eyes met. "Hmph. As if."

Xaldin snorted at Xigbar's comment and shook his head. Silence fell upon them once more and, despite Xigbar's sarcasm, both men turned their faces back to the now glowing horizon. The first rays of light spilled over, sweeping across the hills of the world like a tide. The light hit the wall of Twilight Town and poured over it as the fiery ball moved steadily over the horizon. The streets of the town were filled with warmth, and the shadows that haunted the night were driven away. Life returned to where there had been only silence moments ago. The light traveled up the tall tower quickly. Xigbar stood up and his hands turned to fists. He bit his lip and felt paralyzed. Maybe he couldn't actually feel fear, maybe he couldn't feel anything anymore, but that didn't stop him from remembering how to feel.

He crossed his arms to stop his hands from shaking. The light was almost upon them. Xaldin looked down at his partner and took in the pale face and shaking hands, his face softening. His reached out his hand and placed it on Xigbar's shoulder, squeezing. "Xig, it may be too late for us, and we may never walk in the Light again, but we knew that when we started this."

"Xal, I know-"

"Just shut up and listen." Xaldin moved his hand to Xigbar's chin as the smaller man turned toward him and tilted the narrow face up. "We are what we are, and nothing can change that. And no one can change who we are. All we can do is move forward with no regrets. Ikxare knew this too. She moved forward without regret, without anything holding her back, and I think if she were here right now she would say something inspirational about how you weren't to blame and that you shouldn't hold yourself back-"

"Xal I told you what happened. I ki-" Xigbar almost bit his tongue as Xaldin snapped his mouth shut with his hand.

"You shouldn't hold yourself back. But she's not here, she's gone. She faded. You _are_ here. And there are those here who may not be able to truly care for you as she did, but they try. We can't change the past. We can only learn from it and change the present. It's time to let her go, Xig. It's time to let her move on. It's time for _you_ to move on." Xaldin released his grip on Xigbar and looked back at the rising sun as the rays spilled onto the two men. Xigbar stared at the taller man as he was illuminated by the light.

Xaldin watched the sun rise above the horizon and squinted against the light it brought with it. He understood now why Xigbar had spent the last six years living in his own personal nightmare, and wanted more than anything to help Xigbar find his way out, but he didn't know the right words to say. He didn't know the words that would penetrate into the darkness of Xigbar's mind any longer. He didn't know if he would be able to help Xigbar. He could only stall for so much longer before his decision would be made for him by Xemnas.

The gold light from the sun filled Xaldin's eyes and he found himself unable to turn away from the light. Suddenly he found himself in a world of pure light, the tower and Xigbar gone from his view.

"It's been a long time, Xaldin." A woman's voice echoed throughout this world and a short woman emerged from the light to stand before him. Lavender hair fell in front of teal eyes.

"That it has. So is this where you've been hiding all these years, in the Light? You really did become a traitor."

"I suppose I did. How have you been? This can't have been easy for you, being pushed away from Xigbar for so long only to be the one forced to pick up the pieces."

"And whose fault is that?"

"You're as blunt as ever."

"And you're still as vague as ever, though at least now you look at peace."

Ikxare smiled up at Xaldin, crossing her arms and tilting her head. "I am. I truly am. I wish there had been some other way to find this path, but I suppose one day you will forgive me."

"Why are you here? I'm not much for the sentimental visit from the dead, so if you want tears you should have gone to someone else." Ikxare's smile fell. She turned to the side and walked a few steps.

"He's breaking. It's my fault that he's breaking, and I can't take it back now. I came to ask a favor of you, Xal. I have to finish breaking him before he can heal."

"I assume you are referring to Xigbar?"

"Who else? But before he can move on, I have to destroy whatever emotion he may have remembered. I would have liked to have done this sooner, but you two took forever to get to this stage of understanding and awareness."

"You say you have to break him. Is there no other way?"

"For Xig to heal fully, he has to learn to move on. But he cannot do it alone. He will need you once more, Dilan. I know that I am asking much of you-"

"Dilan is dead. He's been dead for almost ten years."

"But the love Dilan had for Braig is not."

"Braig is dead too. You can't heal through a love that is dead. You of all people should know this, having caused this entire fiasco."

"I know I am to blame. We've established that. And yes, maybe Braig and Dilan are dead, but does that mean that when you look at Xigbar you do not see Braig in him? He is still half of Braig, just as you are half of Dilan."

"That may be so, but I cannot feel love."

"But you remember what love once was. You remember how you felt when you were in love."

"That was a long time ago."

"The memories remain. Xaldin, if you do not help him, he will die. He will fade into Darkness, alone and lost."

"You have prepared quite the scheme, Ikxare. You have handed me an ultimatum: help you or watch my friend die."

"You have a choice-"

"No, I don't. You knew before you appeared what my choice would have been even without your little speech."

"You hate me, don't you?"

"I can't hate. I am a Nobody, Ikxare. I have embraced my existence and its truth. It is because you did not and convinced Xig that memories could take place of true emotion that you have hurt him." Ikxare looked down, shoulders slumping in defeat. "You also gave him a chance to feel love again, one thing I could not do then, and cannot do now. But I know someone who can, and who would be willing to try.

"I can be his friend and fight with him, but another will have to fight for him and protect him."

"This other, you trust him completely? He will not try to hurt Xigbar?"

"How can he hurt him any more than you have?"

"Xaldin, I'm trying to atone now. Why must you fight me when I am trying to help?" Ikxare looked back at Xaldin, her teal eyes filled with sorrow.

"After you break him, will you leave him alone?"

"Yes. I promise you that this will be the last time you see me. I'm going to fix things."

Xaldin remained silent, studying Ikxare for any sign of dishonesty. "Like I said, you already knew what my answer was going to be."

"Thank you, Xaldin." She walked toward him and took his hand with her own two.

"Just go, Ikxare." Xaldin pulled his hand away and crossed his arms. Nodding she backed away, and with a sad wave, merged with the light.

"Just so you know, the voices have finally gone." Her voice echoed throughout the fading light. As Xaldin's vision returned to normal he saw Xigbar looking frantically for something, desperation written on his face. He reached out and took Xigbar's arm in his hand.

* * *

As the light hit the clock beside him it reflected into Xigbar's face, blinding him. He squinted into the light and tried to shade his face with a hand. The light dimmed and a figure emerged.

"Ikxare…"

"Hello, Xigbar." She moved toward him, her lavender hair shining and teal eyes full of laughter. She brought her hand up to his face and her warmth spread throughout Xigbar. He grasped her hand with his own against his face and reached out to her with his other. She tilted her head at him, smiling quizzically, "Why so sad? It's not like you."

"I, I…" Xigbar dropped his hand to his side and pulled away from her reach, trying to look anywhere but at her face. "Don't, I don't deserve to be near you."

"You're such an idiot." Xigbar jumped at the line. He hadn't been sure what to expect, but it certainly wasn't that. "What made me so special? We couldn't actually loved each other, we both knew that. Why is my death so different? You've killed a lot of people..."

"But you, I mean, you were-"

"Xigbar, I was just a Nobody."

"No, you were more than that, you were…"

"Xigbar, if you can't say what's on your mind than I'm going to hurt you."

"As if." Xigbar brought his face back up and crossed his arms. "Ikxare, I killed you. I killed you because someone told me to. How can I just move on?"

"Because you are a Nobody. And because," Ikxare moved toward him and reached up with both hands, holding his face tight, "because that is what you had to do. I never blamed you for anything. It's time to let me go, Xigbar. This is what you have to do now." Ikxare's eyes lingered on his eye patch, brow furrowing sadly.

"How can you just tell me to move on? How can you stand there and tell me to forget you? I see you every day, here." Xigbar grabbed her shoulder and leaned down to look into her face as he placed his other hand on the eye patch.

"Hmmm." She crossed her arms, "You're not an idiot. You're a moron." The smile came back as she giggled to herself. She covered her mouth with her hand as she shook from her stifled laughter. "I'm not asking you to forget me. I asking you to, as Xal put it, learn from it and change the present."

"I can't change the present. I can't use killing you to change the present." His hands loosened their grip on her arms and he turned away from Ikxare, staring at his hands. "I can't use these hands to change anything."

"Xigbar, what do you want me to say? Do you want me to say the magic words to make it all go away? Your pathetic act is getting really old. I died. End of story. Thank you and goodbye. I even took your eye out!

"But you, you're still alive."

"You're dead because of me. Gah!" He spun around to face her, bouncing precariously on one leg and holding his other, massaging the calf. For a figment of light she could still land a hard kick.

"I told you that if you didn't start talking sense I would hurt you."

"What the fuck! I'm trying to talk, I've been trying."

"Well then you've failed miserably."

"Well maybe if you stopped interrupting me-"

"Like this?"

"Ikxare, stop that! I can't think straight when you do that."

"Then don't think and just talk. I can't stay much longer, so just out with it." Her light began fading as if to prove her point. She glanced back quickly as if hearing a call. "Xigbar, I have to go."

"No, please, wait." He held her hand with his own and took a deep breath. "Ikxare, I need you. You made me complete when I was lost in the Darkness. You showed me that the Light was still there. Please, please stay." He pulled her to him, hugging her smaller body in his arms. He buried his head into her shoulder. Xigbar felt Ikxare sigh and tightened his grip, "Please."

"It'll be alright, Xigbar. But you have to let me go now. It's time for me to go." Xigbar refused to loosen his grip. "Xigbar, listen to me. I want you to promise me something before I go."

"No, I won't promise you anything. Not if you're just going to leave me again." Xigbar found himself stumbling forward as Ikxare ported out of his arms to stand before him.

"Xigbar, I want you to promise me that you'll stop coming back every year, that you'll let me go, and that you will live. This is the only promise that I want you to keep now. Xigbar, please promise me this, I have to go"

"Don't make me, please don't make me." Ikxare started backing away toward the light, her smile failing to reach her eyes.

"Xigbar, I remembered love when I was with you, and I know you did to. That is why I want you to make me this promise. Please Xigbar, I can't stay any longer."

"Ikxare, I can't make it without you, I can't exist without you beside me."

"Look around you, are you willing to lose those who do stand by you for a memory?" Xigbar saw the shadowy figures of Xaldin and Luxord hover between them. "Promise me, Xigbar, if not for your sake for theirs. You lost me, but are you willing to lose them?"

"Don't make me choose like this. I can't choose like this."

"Xigbar, just one word." Her form began to fade into the light and Xigbar lunged forward desperately, passing through the projections and grabbing her hand.

"I can't-"

"Goodbye, Xigbar."

"No, please, I need you." Her hand slipped from his grasp and Xigbar found himself reaching into the light, grabbing at nothing. "Ikxare, don't leave me!"

"One word…"

"I promise, just please don't leave me. Please stay with me!" The light began to fade away, diminishing in size and intensity. "Ikxare!"

"No matter how dark your nights may be, you can depend on sunrise to bring back the light, Xigbar." Her voice faded with the last of the light.

* * *

Xigbar blinked, confused and turned in circles, trying to find Ikxare. As Xigbar was frantically searching he felt a heavy hand grab his arm. He looked down in surprise, following the hand with his eyes up to Xaldin's shoulder and then looking up at the man's face.

"She's gone now, she's really gone." Xigbar whispered as he swayed on his feet, his vision blurring from the shock.

"I know." Xigbar let himself be pulled into a tight embrace from the other man. Xaldin placed his head on Xigbar's, whispering back, "I know."

Behind them the clock gave a deafening ring as the minute hand reached the six. Xaldin released Xigbar and reached out over the drop from the tower. "And it's time we left too." He created a portal of Darkness and turned Xigbar toward it. "I'm here, Xigbar, and I'm not going anywhere without you. We'll go together, whenever that may be. I'll always be here, and Ikxare will always be watching from somewhere. You know how clingy she is." Xaldin placed an arm around Xigbar's shoulder and steered the man toward the portal.

"Promise?"

"Yeah, I promise. Before I forget, you owe Luxord a date." Xigbar choked and turned to face Xaldin, but before he could resist he was pulled forward and the two men stepped into the portal.

Axel slid around the clock tower and watched the two men step into the portal. "How very interesting," he whispered to himself, hand rising to his face to hide his smirk. His eyes flashed with a dangerous edge. Backing up toward the edge he slipped into a portal of his own, chuckling himself as the sun passed completely above the horizon and the new day began.


End file.
